Can I Have My Cake And Eat It Too? Well, That Depends.

Sitting with the Lord this morning he begins to talk to me about the maturing of sons. I encourage you to take the time and read to the end. It may just help you.
There are different measures the Lord uses to bring his children into sonship. Yes there is a difference in the two Greek words used in the New Testament. Many misunderstand our born again experience and term that as “sons” immediately at salvation. I would challenge that thought based on the original text.
Let me explain. If we are “sons” at our new born birth then why would Paul say in (Romans 8:19) all creation is groaning for the manifestation of “sons”?
The verse before notes that at salvation we are heirs and we are called the “children” of God so yes we technically are sons and daughters as in the family of God terms, but “sonship” is walking in that inheritance in the space of maturity and fullness in ruling and reigning capacity.
Sonship is maturity.
So let’s continue with the first thought at the beginning of this writing. There are many ways the Lord brings us into maturity – the fullness of our sonship. Or to be able to walk in the fullness of our inheritance.
One is by trial. Yes that’s right, New Testament scriptures are filled with teaching that hardships and tests and even suffering yes I said it, matures our characters, builds perseverance and endurance, purifies and proves our faith.
Another way the Lord helps us mature is by having apostolic fathers and mothers in our lives. This is to refine our characters in humility, understanding the power of authority and honour in the success of the trajectory of our responsibilities in our kingdom niche.

I’ve noticed one thing in the body, that is interesting. In this hour many are becoming more dissatisfied and fed up with the religious system model of church that has not allowed room for the Holy Spirit and failed to build genuine discipleship and growth of the believer. And rightly so. Praise the Lord this shift has been a long time coming.
The budding of the Kingdom wineskin is coming forth and the restoration of the true apostolic governmental function in its fullness is being re-established.
The apostolic heart as we know is to have heaven on earth and so where there is a community under a true apostolic mantle we will see intercession, prayer and spirit-led worship take the lead as the model and blueprint for the “house of God” as Jesus said was to be a house of prayer. In this we see the Lord’s presence as the centre and the Holy Spirit’s lead as priority in the building and developing of our corporate communities and gatherings.
Now why was I so long winded in that introduction?
Because I’ve seen a lot of folk don’t understand coming out of this religious wineskin that is predominantly empty of the spirit of God, and to successfully step into kingdom culture, requires grow up.
Religion is designed to have you stay a spiritual infant, either relying on structures and systems to fulfil your religious worship or rely on a person or people.
Kingdom is very different. Kingdom culture is designed for you to have your own personal relationship with Jesus, grow in maturity, whereby you are a reflector of His divine nature.

So here we go with what I’ve noticed. In this transition many are making from religious style worship or church to become a part of kingdom communities, there is something called the honeymoon phase.
Many are attracted to the freedom and the expression of the presence of God, they love seeing the Lord move and for the first time in forever they are feeling alive in their relationship to God. It’s like all their Christmases have come at once and we hear that saying over and over again, “I’m home!”.
Then something happens 3 months, 6 months, a year, even 2-3 years in. The honeymoon phase is over.
You see with Kingdom culture it’s not loaded with “many teachers”, but to have true kingdom culture you will have mothers and fathers at the helm.
This means they love you enough to correct, guide, instruct you, all to see you grow into maturity. This is not control. This is leadership.
See kingdom culture doesn’t facilitate a place where you can come and hide and remain the same or even do your weekly religious rituals.
Kingdom culture is actually built by design on the blueprint of family. So it’s a team function with mothers and fathers.

Many want to enjoy the fruit of kingdom culture which is the freedom of the spirit and the presence of God because Kingdom culture in essence is a culture of freedom. But freedom without honour is not freedom.
So honour is the core foundation to a kingdom culture.
You see a religious model is based on the flesh. It’s motivated to please the flesh, it’s designed to promote the needs of the flesh.
Well what does Galatians 5 refer to the works of the flesh as? That’s right, witchcraft! Gosh that’s heavy!
1 Samuel also refers to rebellion as the sin of witchcraft.
So many that have come from a religious wineskin have not understood the true functions of honour and authority and honour is founded in humility. Somehow the areas of rebellion and stubbornness can hide in a religious model.
But when you enter a kingdom culture that is based on honour and having true authority in your life whatever rebellion in the heart will surface.
You see those who lead and cultivate a kingdom culture in their communities will protect the purity of that culture. They have firm boundaries led by God so that anything that seems to pollute or potentially threaten it to become contaminated by religion (the selfish ambition of man) they will enforce those boundaries by means of correction in love or instruction or by a simple NO to their suggestions. These leaders therefore will not promote those who God has not yet highlighted to promote regardless of the strength of their gifting. This does lead to rebellion and selfish ambition surfacing in the heart of those who are motivated by self-promotion rather than service posture.
Am I talking about being rebellious to man? No, but indeed rebellious to the “ways” of God, where our own agendas, control, bitterness and carnal ways that are contrary to His ways become exposed. These things will stand out like a sore thumb in a kingdom culture. However they hide in a religious culture.
This rebellion can manifest in attitudes, criticism, negativity, competition, insecurity, selfish ambition, division, slander, accusation and rebellion to authority etc.
Now part of God’s way in His kingdom family to bring about maturity is healthy leadership. You see the bible says a child left undisciplined brings a shame to their parents. (Proverbs 29:15)
Likewise the scripture says if I don’t discipline my children I am making a statement that I don’t love them. The Lord boldly declares in Hebrews 12:5-11 that “like” a father disciplines his sons, so He does to those who He calls His own. We are exhorted not to despise the chastening of the Lord, because the purpose and design is to bring forth a harvest of righteousness in our lives.
Discipline in the Greek word is actually to give “boundaries”. You see in a kingdom family it’s not a free for all! All though it’s a free for all for God’s Spirit to have His way. In a kingdom culture we are surrendered and submitted to the authority of heaven.
So the question remains,
Can we have our cake and eat it too?
Can we abide and grow in a kingdom family in a culture of honour and reap all the benefits of the freedom of heaven cultivated within that environment but not partake in healthy relationships of accountability?
The answer to that is no.
Having your cake and eating it too looks like humility, surrender and accountability. You will eat the rewards of an environment and community cultivated on heaven’s blueprint if you honour and allow healthy correction, instruction, and accountability to flow and actually have true spiritual mothers and fathers speak into your life whether it’s what you want to hear or not.

Many try and live on the outskirts. These are two groups of people.
1. The part timers
They pop in and out for a “drink” or “refreshing” from their battle weary lives, all the while not understanding why they don’t get break through or true maturity comes forth. Their development is prolonged and takes longer as long as they are fringe dwellers. You see, the more you are around community the more likely it is going to be that conversations and attitudes, wounds and unbelief will arise whereby leaders will begin to speak into your life. This can challenge any form of rebellion or independent spirit in your life. You have two choices remain in self-preservation (which only is another word for pride) or humble yourself and surrender to Godly parenting and grow up without delay.
I understand many have been abused by authority. But that doesn’t mean authority of any kind of leadership is bad. It’s not. It’s actually extremely healthy for you. If you are part of a kingdom house family, don’t you think the fruit of that is because the leaders are cultivating from a pure place? Therefore if God has led you there don’t you think you should trust God with who He has ordained to lead in that community?
This is why online communities can only bring a certain level of maturity. Iron sharpens iron and you can certainly keep your best behaviour on in an online format. You won’t be challenged and refined to the degree face to face community challenges you. You can show up whenever you like, you are just the receiver without being a giver. This actually is not true mentorship as the blueprints in the bible lay out. I’m not suggesting that there is no benefit in online communities I agree it will serve training to a small measure but true maturity is not formed by knowledge alone but by accountability. Doing life, having a mother or father be close enough to know what’s going on in your life, speak into wrong concepts that have developed, address issues, and train you in discipline not just knowledge.
Maybe there is trauma and wounds the Lord desires to heal from past abuse. Sometimes he allows triggers to bring it to the surface.
Being isolated and alone and only online is not going to heal you! You have to face your Goliath.
What are triggers? Triggers are repeats of situations from the past. In your mind you perceive the same thing happening again but only this time you are perceiving it out of a wounded filter. God will allow this to surface the lie so you can be set free and healed and come into healthy community. Accountability is healthy and ordained by God for you to be healthy. Without it you will only harden your heart and what good was actually there in you will become contaminated by bitterness. You will no longer be able to walk by faith because the filters you require to be pure in order to “see”, “remain” and have “child like posture”, will be stained and twisted by pain. You will be a spiritual cripple blaming everyone else for holding you back instead of allowing the poison to be purified from your system through accountability.
2. The pretenders.
This group of people say all the right things talk the talk but when rubber meets the road don’t walk the walk. They really want their cake and eat it too. They are committed to act on the outside and say and do for a time what they believe is expected, with amens and hallelujahs but when checked on something or when things don’t go the way they in their own mind believe is right, it’s like an atomic bomb goes off and all hell breaks loose. These kind of people are good at deceiving the young ones or those less discerning and gather a following through their fake talk and walk. They undermine those who lead in the community because their ego is as big as Africa and when addressed by those leaders they hold offence in their hearts. They see correction or any kind of input as an insult rather than love.
The lord calls correction an act of love, not man.
Many complain and say I’ve never had a spiritual mother or father, I’m always rejected. Maybe it’s because they put out the big hand to them like “don’t come near me type thing”. Or you think you can do a better job than your leaders. Some people enter communities wanting all the input from their leader so they can be on their way into their “big calling”, and somehow believe their role as a son and daughter is to correct the parents on a constant basis?
Don’t get me wrong healthy communication of differences is welcomed in Kingdom community relationships, but so many lack the understanding of honour and are filled with arrogance and entitlement. You see staying around long enough, will deal with that immature posture of the heart. You see teenagers act that way. They think they know it all and have a license to correct their parents!
Those who aren’t interested in accountability and true parenting are people who aren’t interested in being sons of the house they are only interested in fulfilling their own agenda. They aren’t team players no matter how much they say they are. They are wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing and they will, left unchecked, rip the sheep apart.

Sometimes growing up is hard. I’ve parented 4 teenagers and my youngest in two years will be there too. These years are a challenging transition of life. And it’s the same maturing in our identity in the Lord.
We have growing pains. Where we can have those wrestles and clash of opinions and ego wounds. But these growing pains are necessary to be able to grow up and walk in the fullness of the authority of kingdom. Because ultimately king dom means dominion of the King. It is a governmental word. And without understanding authority, humility and accountability you will NEVER come into your full DNA potential as a Son.
It’s time to grow up, humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God, allow His fire to purify us and truly walk in the pure form of kingdom not a fabricated seeker friendly version that only promotes orphans who then develop as wolves.
Anita Alexander